What does birthday mean?

According to the Chinese calendar, today in my birthday. As a Chinese, I got to celebrate birthday twice a year.


A birthday is one where celebrates the day when a new life has begun. Some would consider this day to be a day to be thankful and to be joyful that he was born to this world. Others would think of this day to be a starting of a journey of life full of remorse, grief and hate.


As for me, I don't know what I think but almost all the time I don't find any valid reason to celebrate my birthday.


A birthday is also a day of changes for new things to come to replace the old things. This belief I hold true. There would always be changes on the day of my birthdays whether it is good or bad, positive or negative. Somehow I can't remember the changes that happened on my birthday.


Well, for this year, a significant change happened on my birthday would be that , on this day, my parents have shifted to JB to enjoy their retirements. I should be happy for them ....


I was born in a family of three. I grew up with no brothers and sisters. I was always alone in whatever I do. I have no one to talk to. My parents are typical parents who would work from day until night juz to keep the food on the table, thus they seldom spend time with me. That's why as an adult, I would always keep my feelings hidden or keep deep deep deep down inside my heart. It's very hard for me to share my pains with anyone. Thus out of 10 birthdays, 8 birthdays I would be on my own.


I was still alone during my days in secondary school. I was the odd one out. After my SRP, now PMR, I was given a choice of going into Commerce or Science Class. I did not know how to choose so I followed the crowd... Science because it was the THE thing to do at that time. In the Science stream, I was 'kicked' between Sc 1 and Sc 2. It seemed that I was not too good for Sc1, so the teacher transferred me to Sc 2 but the Sc2 form teacher felt that I was too good to be there, so she kicked me back to Sc1.


In Sc1, I was the odd one out. There were 2 groups in my class. There was a group of geeks, the ones who would aim As and would always excel in their studies and their extra curricular activities. There was another group which I describe to be socially active. I belong to neither. I was also the chubby one in the class... can never excel in Sports
I didn't like Maths so I did badly in Maths. Even a teacher who taught Maths said to me, I would not be able to pass my SPM. In class, I would sit by the door looking outward always day dreaming. I was not active, always sitting at the back of the class, always the hidden one. I remembered when I can't answer questions in Chemistry, I would copy from my classmates.
My Science teachers would always hold extra class during the school holidays. For the others there would be holidays for them. As for me, it would be never ending classes. I really hated my time then and I felt miserable all the times. I felt like a robot back then.. never failed to turn up to schools even though it was raining dogs and cats on that day. I never knew what I wanted back then. I just followed orders. In short, I was the invisible one in school... However, all is not bad as towards the end 2 persons asked me to join them in getting know friends through penpal. Yes, I did enjoyed that time, even had a few laughs. However, when I moved out of KL, I've lost contact with them.


I envy my other classmates who have their own close friends, who shared and still share their interests, dreams, happiness and pains. As for me, again I am alone on this birthday.