Wesak Day

"If That's What It Takes" -Celine Dion

You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes
If that's what it takes

You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When your smile like the sun that shines through the pain
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

If that's what it takes
Every day
If that's what it takes
Every day

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This song hold true to my heart. Almost everything I do, I gave it 100% and sometimes even more. Most of my closet frens said I'm stupid and crazy for helping a stranger or even say a little prayer to a dog or an ant.

This week has been very difficult to me. It started of with the news that 200 -300 dogs have been sent to an island near to Pulau Ketam to die on that island. They don't deserve an ending like this for they don't ask for it. Everyday I thought abt them and every I prayed for them.
Whenever a person needs my held, I wld help as much as I could and sometimes even more than I should do.. I wonder if what I did is really stupid for I felt i didn't help at all or that person is actually using me...
Every student I recruited, I would take them under my wings and nurture and comfort them shelter them. However, I felt betrayed, useless and stupid when they don't appreciate the chance given to them to have a new life. This is how I felt yesterday, when a student I believed cried wolf for a change going back home. The student had been pretending in front of me. I thought I know that person but I was way wrong..... I accepted every mistakes and every problems the student had created for me. I just took them all down with a gulp without a sigh of regret. I told myself I can do something, i can change something.

Boy was I WRONG. Everybody can see the problems that student can and will create. I never listened and now I burnt myself.

I have been burnt many times but I think this is the final straw... coz

I went to the temple near my home for Wesak Day. Inside, I can see a sea of people praying and near the entrance, there are 3 to 4 beggars. One who is hurt at the leg, another was lying down on the pavement waiting for people to give donations. And out there sitting in the hot sun was a little boy, his brother and his mother begging for people to give donations. The little boy is need of brain surgery. He was very small and was sitting there in his baby chair with a tube coming out from his nose. His eyes were wondering around looking at people with sweat coming down from his forehead. His brother was asking wasn't it too hot for them to stand outside under the hot sun. Should he open the umbrella for the brother? My heart sank into despair, they don't deserve this, they should be running around like any other ordinary kids. What is wrong here?

Some of us have better fate, life and luck than them and they don't appreciate the chance and life that they have. They would go around complaining and wasting every chance they have.

Today I have witnessed many types of people, some kid of 6,7 years old can sing like angels, a 47 year old woman and a 60 years old against people cynism can dance and sing, a young boy in need of major surgery, people praying for some worldly benefit , people wasting the opportunities given to them and people chasing after monetary gain and power.

I was taught by Lord Buddha that every living being whether human or plants or animals have to pass 4 stages in life ie birth, growth, sick and death but somehow even though I understand the meaning, I've seen all the examples but I can't cut myself loose from these endless cycles. I know there's karma whether good or bad for every action taken. I know I can't change the world, I can't help everyone, I know I have to let the things as they are and not be affected but how come I am feeling damn hopeless, useless and despair? Sometimes I just felt like giving up hope on life........